Now in paperback, the New York Times bestseller that takes readers on a riotous journey through the mind of one of America’s premier comics George Carlin’s. “I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: “Alcohol will turn you into the same. by George Carlin. Hyperion, pages, hardcover. Review by Jim Walker. In a TV interview on CNBC with Tim Russert, Carlin said the title offends all three No doubt this book will offend many people, especially the religious, but then.

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O’Rourke’s Modern Manners P.

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O’Rourke’s Parliament of Carpin P. O’Rourke’s Peace Kills P. O’Rourke’s Holidays in Hell P. Erma Bombeck’s If Life is a bowl of cherries Erma Bombeck’s When you look like Passport Photo Humorous Quotes from When will Jesus bring the Porkchops? Major funding for this book was made possible by deliberately starving a family of four in Tenessee.

I find it discouraging — and a bit depressing — when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO believers on the one hand, and on the other, to those who believe in an invisible supreme being who thd the sky. Women are crazy, men are stupid. When plrkchops catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? I know the fertility rate is down.

It should go down even further. Every family should be allowed half a child. Be careful whom you befriend.

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

They will eventually ask you for something. Michael Jackson missed his calling. I was reading a fitness magazine that had an article about cross-training, and I realized this would have been a good idea for Jesus. People who see life as anything more than pure excitement are missing the point.

Things were going well.

A radio commercial says that a certain diet pill works three times faster than starvation. Are they guessing, or did they really run these tests? I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man with no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better. The captain has just turned on the fasten-seat-belt-sign. In the future all the knowledge in the world will be contained on a brring, tiny silicon chip which someone will misplace.


In the future every part of the human body will become replaceable, but all parts will be qill six months. In the future the ocean will dry up, and people will find things they dropped in the toilet many years ago.

In an effort to improve his life, he decided to sell his soul; unfortunately, he sold it on eBay and was never paid. He died on the feast of St. Dismas, after mistakenly eating a bag of after-dinner mints before lunch. Used to be you had to go ths Europe to find a spa.

If you can’t say something nice about a person, go ahead. They say that rather than cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. I am fifty-five years old, and I am looking for someone who will leave me alone. And then leave me alone. If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer.

But I could use a little pancake mix. Anal-retentive robots wasting money in space. And — not incidentally — spreading our foul, grotesquely distorted DNA beyond this biosphere. I say, keep the infection local. I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland.

They should be more vivid. Here are a few I would suggest: You know who you have to admire?

A Catholic hit man who blesses himself just before he strangles someone. I know a hip-hop Jew who wears his yarmulke backward. Would that still be rape? The only difference is Whhen look a whole lot older now.

If you vote once, you’re considered a good citizen. If you vote twice, you face four years in jail. I think the reason conservatives want all these babies to be born is that they simply like the idea of birth.


They can’t get enough of it. Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Yesterday, I killed my third priest in a month. The first time it scared me. The second time I had no feeling at all.

I actually began to like it. I’m not really a priest, son. I’m just cleaning the confessional. The king has a lot of horses and men. You know how sometimes you have a song going through your head over and over all day long, maybe even two or three days?

Well, I know how to fix that. Simpson has already hwen the ultimate punishment: For the rest of his life he has to associate with golfers.

Humorous Quotes from When will Jesus bring the Porkchops? by George [email protected]

I wonder if a person who comes out of a coma feels refreshed and well tje. What am I supposed to infer from this about the second school? Good news for senior citizens: They always georfe the vice president is just a heartbeat away from the presidency. And then I remember, Oh yeah, they shoot deserters.

All my money is tied up in debt. A good motto to live by: Czrlin had burned more fiercely than I anticipated. Then, even though the air will probably never be safe to breathe again, maybe it will be safer to listen to.

The whole thing puzzles me. A female teacher seduced a fourteen-year old boy and he turned her in to the police. What was this kid thinking? I would have kept that kind of thing real quiet. At least until I graduated.

Cigarette companies market heavily to young people. They need young customers because their product kills the older ones. It is the only product that, if used as intended, kills the consumer. More people write poetry than georve it. Click Here Palez vous Francais?